Madness in 500 words or less

Our challenge this weekend was to write about madness in 500 words or less.  Can you relate to this madness?  Let us know!

 

The alarm is set; the math begins. Simple arithmetic, really—if the alarm is set for 7:00 A.M. that’s a solid six hours of sleep. I’ve operated on less.

And hey, I’m not exactly tired right now, so why don’t I take a look at Facebook for a second? Knock out those flashing lights on the top of my phone that will drive me crazy.

And you know what? Now that I’m through with that, I might as well do some more reading in this novel here. Why not? It’ll help me get to sleep.

Oh, lord. It’s 3:00 A.M. ALREADY?! Okay, no problem. Let me adjust this alarm to… 8:00 A.M. Okay. Five hours of sleep. That cuts down on the time I have to get the girls ready for school, BUT… well, they don’t need a shower, right? I think they took one yesterday. Yeah, that’ll be fine. What’s another day?

8:25?! Are you #$%@-ing KIDDING ME?! Why didn’t my alarm go off!? What the hell, Samsung?! Oh. Oh, I see—it was set for P.M.!!! Gah! Okay, school starts in 20.

Let’s see.

Okay—I can just wear my pajamas, so I don’t need to worry about me. If I don’t brush the girls’ hair, that saves a few minutes. Is there some kind of bar or fruit I can toss at them for breakfast? Banana! Perfect! Okay, clean clothes. Um… Yeah. The four year olds pants are all clean, and they still fit through the waist of the eight year old. Can they pass as capris? Capris it is! No matching shoes? No time! Flip-flops! ON! NOW!!!

Okay, out the door. Bell rings at 8:45 and it is… 8:47!!! RUN, GIRLS, RUN! First days of school, tardies don’t count. Right? WHO CARES, RUN!

Okay, got the girls to school alive, and that’s what counts. AND… oh, crap. I have a meeting at 9:00!!! WHY DID I SCHEDULE A MEETING AT 9:00!? I’m still in my pajamas, for the love of all that’s holy! If I run home, I can change. I’ll only be five minutes late, tops. No time to brush my teeth, but mouthwash works miracles! And a splash of cologne here and there. Fine. Everything is fine. Out the door…

And…

I didn’t account for traffic. Sorry I’m 20 minutes late. I respect you, I really do!

Oh. Speaking of respect—I didn’t tell me secretary I’d be in to the office later because of this meeting, did I?

Shoot me. Just shoot me now.

3:00 P.M. At least I get the girls from school on time.

Small victories.

We’re home. And… I… am… dragging. Just watch some TV, girls. While daddy takes… a….ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Huh? What time…? 7:30?! Looks like pizza tonight. Again.

Yeah.

Well, at least the girls are in bed on time.

More small victories.

9:30. Time for some video games and TV for dad!

And bed—let’s see, alarm set for 7:00. Nice—a solid six hours of sleep. Simple arithmetic!

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